I’ve changed my password to a series of digits I could remember only long enough to type it in the “confirm” field, so once I log off, there’s no logging back on. My final post is going out to the people to thank for making a whole bunch of good people miserable for two years.

(You probably won’t read this, just skim it and feel further victimised, but I urge you to give it a close and attentive reading. I’ve been careful to fact-check and substantiate every claim, metaphor and criticism. None of this is invented, or misleading, or misquoting, or aggression for the sake of aggression.)

- -

You are angry, lying, hateful hypocrites. You go on about hypothetical people’s mental health and security, but when an innocent person’s actual mental health is affected (see tags in second link) you give exactly zero shits, if it isn’t someone from your little group. You sneer at those more privileged than you but won’t actually specify what level of oppression entitles someone to be heard. How about my BPD-suffering, queer, female friend and roommate? Or if that’s not enough, my BPD-suffering, queer, pagan, ex-sex worker, witch, other friend and roommate? (You WISH you were that oppressed!) And there’s me: I come from a family that was bankrupted twice and has been kicked out of eight homes. I also come from a family which was mostly wiped out two generations ago, and the ones who didn’t get exterminated are now scattered across three continents. And I’m someone who knows what it feels like to go to school protected by armed guards since September 2001, and still have my school and synagogue racially vandalised, and be racially abused at train stations because I’m wearing my Jewish school’s uniform. But hey, everyone knows class is a total non-issue, and we totally solved anti-semitism, right? I obviously know nothing about oppression; just another priviliged white boy.

(Note: But I already know you’re entirely brainless and backwards when it comes to race. Protip: telling people of colour what their “Duties” are because you, a few white girls, object to theatre with “blackface” is so racist and insensitive it’d be funny if it wasn’t so achingly upsetting. But then, if you actually cared about any of the people you supposedly advocated for, you’d give a damn about the people who have panic attacks and sleepless nights and who self-harm and self-isolate because of your actions, and you CLEARLY don’t. I’m not talking about me, I’m talking about the innocent people who have had to watch you try to tear apart our community, who have been too afraid to get involved, but who’ve come to me privately since our last “encounter”. People who thought they were your friends, but who now see you don’t really care about them. PROVE ME WRONG: write to them with apologies. You could find out who they are pretty easily, I’m sure. But you won’t. Yep, you’re great feminists. Great activists. It’s so good to have you in the cause.)

You have lied about and misrepresented me since my exchange with your friend those months ago. Your claim that I don’t listen to women I already addressed above. Over months when you have contacted me unsolicited, if I have engaged at all, it has been to tell you to get lost, that I don’t want anything to do with you, and you accuse me of threatening you. Finally, you took a colourful, if obviously problematic, second-hand quoted “get fucked” expression that didn’t refer to anyone except “shitty people” and claimed I was advocating sexual violence against you. As if you need anyone to tell you that’s bullshit: you saw a cheap shot and you took it, and while doing so you dropped the a-bomb of publishing my name next to it. You are liars and thugs and your narcissism is staggering.

It was addressed to “people who are being shitty”.

You can infer, for no reason, that “shitty people” means “you”, but you can’t infer the colloquial meaning of “get fucked”. Staggering.

Speaking of getting fucked: you’re obsessed with the idea that you’ve been “fucked over”, but from DAY ONE when you poked your angry little selves into our community, you’ve been the aggressors and the attackers. Sure, you were “fucked over”. You were innocent, conscientious, peaceful dissenters and the response from our community was a big “fuck you”. Or so you claim. Actually:

You are angry little douchebags who create NO THEATRE EVER, contribute nothing to the community, but see fit to judge, accuse, complain, abuse, and attack. You come to all our parties to pretend to have fun and then yell at people. Why do you come???

You tried to storm the castle at Monash and got pissy when you took heavy losses.

You act like schoolyard bullies and throw tantrums when nobody is scared of you.

You yelled and screamed and insulted to get your way, and without any fight at all, YOU GOT YOUR WAY. With apologies. You complained about something that was then instantly taken down. You complained about a lack of trigger warnings, and now we have a website devoted to them. (Which the only person to forget to use was YOUR FRIEND, who created a fucking psychological assault piece. Top work, chaps.)

Student Theatre’s response was patient and considerate and much more than you deserved. But of course, we didn’t acquiesce to your every demand. Our refusal to see things your waydespite, I must say, a stunningly convincing campaign of yelling, abusing and generally appalling behaviourwas seen by you as an act of aggression. This is the most childish and insipid of reactions. And you never heard anyone’s criticism at any point — you all just parroted each other’s spurious claims and refused to come out of your bitter little word. And you claim I’m the one who has a problem listening? To women? The only women who’ll claim I don’t listen to them are in YOUR LITTLE GROUP. And possibly my year 11 English teacher. Shall we add up the names of women who feel you don’t listen to them? I don’t think you’d like the results.

If I thought you controlled the activist dialogue or actually speak for the people you claim to, I’d despair, but I know you don’t. I know enough SPECTACULAR women*, people of colour and non-heterosexuals who refuse to associate with you to believe for a second that you deserve to speak for any of them.

At no point in our encounter have I misquoted you, misrepresented or lied about you, approached you first for any reason, harassed you, insulted and attacked you anonymously or privately and without provocation, publicly named you, or told you that my friends and I talk and laugh about how you’re shitheads behind your back. You have done ALL THOSE THINGS AND MORE to me, and my friends. And you claim you are getting “fucked over”!!! Your lack of self-awareness is flabbergasting!

Here’s the point: you are not listened to because you are mean, selfish people who have abused your right to be heard. You don’t deserve a voice any longer because you use it for evil. You have brought nothing but poison and conflict to the community I love and you have painted yourselves as the victims this whole time. You are emotional terrorists. You are the obvious villains. Too many people have said nothing in fear of making enemies or escalating things, but you’ve escalated things for them, so they’re not so afraid anymore. The acquiescing silence that has given you space to flourish ends now. Nobody in my community — yes, mine, the place I worked for years and actually contributed and formed relationships instead of abusing people for behaviour I didn’t like — wants you around any more.

You rend and bite and scream and attack and contribute NOTHING. And now you are being rejected like a parasite.

We don’t want you. We are BETTER than you.

I’m not threatening you. I don’t hate you. I nothing you. But my community won’t tolerate your poison any more. Go away.

- -

*Special shout out here to my mum, who I don’t talk about much, but is one of those women: she’s a single mum who’s getting back on her feet after surviving cancer, and is one of the most strong, positive, admirable forces of creativity in the world. She, a choreographer and teacher of dance, specialising in ballet and character, went a long way towards teaching me what I know about art and creation. She wasn’t always the most attentive mum in the universe, but as a person and a woman and an artist she is a FUCKING POWERHOUSE. I’ll take her, and the multitudes of women I know who are forceful, strong, smart, brave, angry and kind over you thugs any day of the week. And they’ll take me over you, too.

Tags: seeya tumblr

i’m leaving tumblr. i’m leaving this account (and website) behind. frankly, the idea of continuing to use tumblr makes my skin crawl, which is really saddening considering the number of people i have befriended, and the number of wonderful things i have seen and learnt on this site.

if you want to find me on facebook or whatever else you probably can and i hope you do, provided you’re not a shithole. i think i have contact details for everyone here i’m friendly with, and i hope my not being here doesn’t mean we don’t hear from each other.

if you need to get me somehow and don’t have any other contact details, any asks will still be emailed to me. don’t send fanmails though because they won’t.

i am more fucking anxious, panicked and frightened than i have been in my entire life. i just had to be talked down off one anxiety attack, no doubt the first of several. god fucking damn it. this is beyond the fucking pale.

ALRIGHT, since you people are apparently constantly standing guard over my tumblr, here’s this:


i’ve removed the offending recent post where i quoted my friend (when i quoted her “~identities~” i was actually literally quoting her, so that people we had in common would know who i was talking about without identifying her), with apologies.

firstly, you, the people who i’m referring to know who you are, you were not named or addressed and have no reason to think it was referring to you. the person quoted DOES NOT know you, HAS NEVER met you, HAS NEVER discussed you with me (i don’t discuss you with anyone, really), and WAS NOT TALKING ABOUT YOU PEOPLE. it was simply nice to have someone express sympathy over nothing to do with you in a situation where some people can please go the fuck away.

secondly, i’m not going to defend posting it; it was posted unthinkingly, and removed when two people wrote to me to say i shouldn’t have posted it. but, again, it WAS NOT POSTED AT YOU.

finally, posting my actual name is going beyond any of this personal argument bullshit. i do not want to address you people any more. i don’t want to be addressed by you people any more. i do not want to threaten you, harrass you, insult you, be around you. i keep saying “get away from me” and you keep claiming i’m threatening you. but you posting my name is out of bounds. you just — that is not in any way reasonable escalation.

i have done my best to ignore you, and when that’s not possible i’ve done my best to play your game of insults and provocation — while avoiding any lying, assuming or misleading.

so, here. you crossed a line, and pulled the trigger you don’t get to pull — that of ensuring anyone who googles my name will find this. i don’t want to retaliate, i don’t want to keep fighting with you, so instead i’m offering a truce: retract my actual name, and i get the fuck off tumblr. i’ve soured on it anyway.

to repeat:

1. IT WAS NOT ADDRESSING YOU.

2. IT WAS FROM SOMEONE WHO HAS NO IDEA WHO YOU ARE OR INTEREST IN FINDING OUT.

2b. IT WAS FROM A HARD FEMME FEMALE QUEER BDSM ENTHUSIAST WHO CHOOSES TO SPEAK LIKE THAT.

3. IT WAS RETRACTED WITHIN 30 MINUTES (would have been sooner but i was away from the computer for work) WITH APOLOGIES.

"-REDACTED BECAUSE OF COMPLAINTS-"

Tags: oh well

kimtheshizz said: Oh please calm your tits, not even naked.

that makes one of us.

SOMEONE BRING ME DINNER AND A SLURPEE OMG

I don’t know where you work and I drank all the wines!

i suppose i deserved that after that ice cream cake and roasted marshmallows.

kimtheshizz replied to your post: oh boy, this is going to be a long shift where i…

I am on the Gold Coast having a night of luxury and happiness and sorry otherwise I’d drink wine and amuse you.
As in in person amuse you with DANCING
well you are useless 
next time i have a lonely office night and you are in the state you will have no excuse
aw.

aw.

(Source: thebeardednun)